Sometimes I feel like destroying ourselves is some kind of contest. Who does it better and faster is the winner. Self-destruction is so deeply developed in us that we don’t even see it. Let me explain what do I mean exactly.
Acting on a demand.
Self-destruction is in each and everyone of us. But it does figure strongly in people who have been raised in a demanding family. We have been demanded for the good grades at school, for the decency in communication with others, behaving when outside visiting or listening everything what our parents have told us. And in many cases it was a norm, where no praise nor recognition follow. If we as a child slipped in following the orders, often punishment or notation followed. Only bigger goals and tasks where accepted in order to get the approval of our parents.
These kids now don’t know how to act better than demand from themselves, better results, better material stuff etc, in order to be appreciated.. but from who?
The problem is that by acting on the demanding automation and not listening nor acting towards what we really want is self-destructing.
Simple example. When I was younger and in the beginning of my adulthood.. I constantly demanded from myself, better results in school, better results in work, with my body etc. It was never enough. Even when my body told me to give it a brake (by getting sick), I didn’t listen, took a bill for the flue and saying the message, I don’t have time to be sick, I’m not “there” yet…
Now sickness is a clear statement that you should take the time off and give it a brake. It means your immune system is too weak to protect you. You’re in a self-destruction mode if you don’t listen to it. Still playing the same record, “you’re not enough”, again and again.
Now let’s take this to another level of not listening to yourself and just demanding. Have you noticed that pretty often something inside you (let’s call it intuition) is trying to say something, but your mind comes in with “rational” ideas why you shouldn’t listen the “intuition” and you make the decision in favor of your mind. Here it is again – Self-destruction.
Before I explain, I’ll make it clearer. When I was working in Volvo Trucks, I had this though daily that I want to be an entrepreneur and I should work on it full time right away. But my “rational” mind told me that I should be keeping my job, in case… what ever happens. And for some time I demanded my self to listen my mind.. because it’s irresponsible to act the way my intuition says… Until my body started to give up on me.
Why do you think so many successful people today die in a very early age? Especially men. It’s because they are over demanding from themselves (because of different reasons) and not listening themselves what they really want. It goes like this:
Intuition: “Tom it’s time to sell your business and start on the new field”
Mind: “Noup, I have to build the business and financial freedom first, with this one, and then start the new one, that fulfills my heart”
This goes on and on for years, until this happens:
Body: “Ahh… fuck it, I’ll give up.”
Luckily you’ll get some disease for wake –up call. But more on more people won’t get the second chance and die at the very young age.
We keep destroying ourselves every second
Often the kids who where raised by demanding parents (or grandparents, foster homes etc) didn’t get the positive feedback to their actions, but where still told, what could be better, even if the kid did a great job. And the feeling of not being enough just grows.
We take this mentality from our childhood into our adulthood and keep telling ourselves that we are still not good enough. Meaning we have no self-love for ourselves.
For example starting from small everyday things. When you forget something, or brake a glass accidentally, or maybe fall in a public place, because it was slippery. How do you normally react? What’s the self talk in these everyday situations?
Often people smile outside and say no-worries, these things happen. But inner talk is something like this:
Mind: “You stupid thing. How can you be so clumsy that you broke the class. Can’t you control yourself?! Do it better next time!”
We just keep pushing ourselves in every level and don’t realize how we actually harm ourselves this way.
It’s time to wake up!
Next time when you forget something, even your keys, or didn’t get the expected result you where hoping for, listen to yourself. Notice what’s the inner talk. Write it down.
You can do this by looking back also. Write down all the words that normally goes around in your head when you forget something, you fell, or misunderstood something. Then take a look what came out. How does it feel now to see this?
To wake up un the second level of self-destruction, on not listening to your real desires. Take a paper and the pen and start writing down the things that you really would like to do. No matter what the “rational” mind says. What would you do if you knew tomorrow was your last day on Earth? What do you want your legacy to be?
A good exercise is to write down your desires, with the beginning statement of “when my life is ideal, I am….”
By ideal life I mean, you have all the money you need, environment and people surrounding you is supportive etc. What would your life be then?
These two exercises are great to start noticing what’s going on inside you and you can start taking actions towards changing your life for the better.
Keep in mind that this is a process and enjoyable one J
Let me know was this article helpful? Did you recognize yourself in it?