Are you the ambitious person who is never satisfied with the things going on in your life right now. Still not enough money, relationship could always be better, I could still do more exercise to look thinner, I have to keep myself on a healthy diet. Business is still not on the level you’ve always dreamed of … etc. Sounds familiar? Well it does for me. From time to time, I get this hopeless feeling that I’ll never get what I desire.
And then I realize it’s time to say STOP it right there… The truth is that in these situation it’s that demanding bitch talking in me. Saying.. YOU’RE STILL NOT ENOUGH!!! Enough for what, I ask myself… FOR BEING LOVED BY YOURSELF.
Why do you need more money, more compliments of good behavior or good looking from your partner, why do you need to look better? Why do you want your business to grow bigger, faster? WHY? What’s wrong with the person in these circumstances right now? Do you need to prove yourself to somebody? To who? Really to who? And then what?..
The real reason why we are so harsh with ourselves is that we were made to believe that we are not good enough or worthy of love, if we are not this or that.
Unfortunately low self-worth is a common phenomenon among so many people. Especially for entrepreneurs and success oriented people raised by demanding parents (or other authorities who where responsible for them in childhood).
Believing being unworthy plays a big role in our lives. I would say it dictates in every area of my life. And I am on to change it.
The belief comes from the raising method of our parents. Actually we weren’t made to believe that. We took it as a fact when we were children, with the short knowledge of life we had (Our parents actually wanted good for us.).
My father always gave me new bigger goals, even before the last one was actually finished. He never said a praising word for my accomplishments (nor for being me), but gave me material prices – Bigger and better. That was his way of raising successful future adult. He was raised the same way. But what a child graves, is love of her parents (which is expressed by dealing with children and showing the appreciation). So what I learned as a child was, that I MIGHT BE LOVABLE when doing better/faster/smarter materially (or in any other area of my life). But not giving the appreciation for yourself or the things you’ve accomplished, will never lead to the final destination, which is feeling of being loved. So.. if that’s familiar to you.. welcome to the club – YOU’RE NOT LOVING YOURSELF aka not valuing yourself.
So to have everything or anything you want in your life (Above all… feeling of happiness and being thankful for what you have, also the feeling of having enough), you need to START LOVING YOURSELF. It’s that simple! But not easy at all.. Especially the realization part (really seeing and feeling it) of not loving yourself J
Who is “ME” to love?
We are so messed up with the demands on our self and also the general vision of “the perfect life or human being” that we don’t really know who’s “ME”, I should be loving. We keep hearing that we should be loving ourselves for who we ARE, not for what we have or what we do. But again who is “ME”. Often we don’t see it ourselves.
I had a client asking this once and I gave him this example from my life.
I have known my partner, the father of my children and the man of my life, for 20 years. We have been together 7 now. Because I knew him before, I also knew all his previous girlfriends. And they where far from what I am. They where the kind of girls with fake nails, fake eye lashes, perfect makeup etc… And me.. well.. Nature girl as I call my self.
Anyways… when we got together I asked my partner.. Why me? I’m not at all that type of girl as your previous ones.. and he told me.. I have never seen such a good person as you are!
During the years we have talked more about the love for each other and from him there comes the statements like. I like that I’ve become so calm with you. You’re optimistic and we have things to talk about.
My mother says I’m unshakable optimist.
People often give me feedback I’m inspiring.
My friends say.. I’m calm, but very courageous. Trustworthy.
My actions tell that I’m ambitious, courageous and with a strong belief that everything is possible.
My strengths are creative mind, good communication skills, and being able to empower others to act on their biggest dreams. After talking with me, people are just so full of belief and motivation that everything is possible if they really want it (this is my strength because I really, truly believe it myself, and am the living example), no matter if they are my friends, family or customers.
So “ME Liina” is all that above. This is “ME” who is lovable. I should be loving myself for all this.. for who I am, not for what I have accomplished or how I look like, or have material wise. Being able to love MYSELF and acknowledge for the things I have accomplished… That’s the ultimate goal to always have.
Who is “ME” is why people really love you. Why they want to spend time with you. Why they come to you as your customers or keep connecting you as a friend. Why is your partner with you? Really?
ME is the combination of your unique strengths, energy, life experience, the way you are.